It's strange to think I've lived nearly 20 years on this Earth. Two whole decades! It seems like such a long time to me, but I know it's barely the blink of an eye in the view of eternity. I'm so thankful for the experiences I've had so thus far.. and I'm still definitely enjoying being a teenager while it lasts! (And for the record.. I've found that quote to be so very true!)
As I've mentioned before, I seem to have grown a heart for the people of Africa. I have several friends who have the same desires to go there as well, and I love to look at their pictures from past trips & imagine myself being there. Ahh, just to hug those precious babies! However, as I've learned from past mistakes (aka, bad judgement) that to try to push something outside of God's timing is never a good idea. Last summer, I desired to travel to France for missions. Deep in my heart I knew it wasn't right, but I so wanted it to be that I went for it anyway. The thing is, natural beings can't force the Supernatural to work. Too often I think I know better than the God who created time. Well, I learned that lesson the hard way, as I learned a mere three days from departure date that my passport was expired, and I would have to go to Houston to get it in time. This was impossible for me to do at the time, so I had to withdraw from the team.
All that to say, this Summer a trip to Uganda and Ghana with Visiting Orphans has been on my mind, and I feel an intense longing to go. The more I talk about it and think about it, the more excited I get and the more I want to go! I've applied for the trip, and all that is lacking is 2 reference forms and a $200 deposit. But to be completely honest, I'm just not sure if the timing is right. I am literally moved to tears when I think about going to Africa. My heart longs to be with those babies who walk the streets with no one to love them. But is this God's timing? Is this what You have for me, Lord? I'm just not sure. So, I continue in prayer.
Of course, I have also made plans to visit my parents in Romania this summer, where they will be moving (Lord willing!) in a couple of months. I love the people of Romania as well, so very much! I cannot wait to get back to those beautiful mountains and green hills, the dirt roads and the cows walking down the streets! The babies walking the streets there are just as important as the ones in Ghana, and I want to wrap my arms around them as well. But, to be honest.. the tears don't come. Why? Why for one place, and not the other? Maybe because I've been to Romania, and not to Uganda. Maybe because there is more press for helping the poverty in Africa, and not Romania. I don't know.
I don't know, I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. What I DO know, is that God is God. He is in charge, and my only job is to go where He sends me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause.
I want to leave you with these words from Oswald Chambers, in "My Utmost for His Highest."
February 1st: "The call of God"
"For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the Gospel." 1 Cor 1:17
Paul states here that the call of God is to preach the gospel; but remember what Paul means by "the gospel" viz, the reality of Redemption in our Lord Jesus Christ. We are apt to make sanctification the end-all of our preaching. Paul alludes to personal experience by way of illustration, never as the end of the matter. We are nowhere commissioned to preach salvation or sanctification; we are commissioned to lift up Jesus Christ (John 12:32). It is a travesty to say that Jesus Christ travailed in Redemption to make me a saint. Jesus Christ travailed in Redemption to redeem the whole world, and place it unimpaired and rehabilitated before the throne of God. The fact that Redemption can be experienced by us is an illustration of the power of the reality of Redemption, but that is not the end of Redemption. If God were human, how sick to the heart and weary He would be of the constant requests we make for our salvation, for our sanctification. We tax His energies from morning till night for things for ourselves-something for ME to be delivered from! When we touch the bedrock of the reality of the Gospel of God, we shall never bother God any little personal complaints.
The one passion of Paul's life was to proclaim the Gospel of God. He welcomed heart-breaks, disillusionments, tribulation, for one reason only, because these things kept him in unmoved devotion to the Gospel of God.
